Self-Portrait Shoot Guided by the Tarot
Jumping into the unknown and growing through it
Today is election day in Georgia, and I woke up with an extreme amount of anxiousness and anxiety.
Just having go stand back and let the world unfold without any ability to sway it, requires a lot of trust in the unknown. So to help me process my own emotional wellbeing in the morning I decided to go down my process of reading my own tarot and using a self-portrait shoot to guide my own emotional release.
More exploration into this idea can be found in my last post here.
Tarot Reading
Like I mentioned, I was anxious. Mind racing. Heart feeling sorrowful.
After some coffee was done brewing, I sat down with some meditative music and gave myself a couple of deep breaths while I shuffled the deck. I gave myself permission to explore what I was currently feeling and open up a doorway to see the little details of my emotions that are often covered up by the blanket feeling of anxiety.
What I found when I was shuffling was that I had a number of micro emotions all playing out at rapid speed. I wasn’t just anxious about the election results, and knowing I’d spend most of the day trying to avoid watching Kornacki and his map, I was feeling anxiousness and fear about a number of aspects of where I currently am in life. This heightened anxiety yes was present in the front of my mind, but in the background my thoughts were racing around picking up any additional anxious thought and compounding the primary feeling.
Yikes, but also slightly refreshing to dive deeper into myself then I would typically allow in a passing moment.
With that pause I pulled 3 cards to see how this feeling of present anxiousness and racing thoughts might have appeared in my life slightly differently in the past, an alternate vantage point of the present, and some guidance for the future.
Reading insights
When I start a reading like this I like to begin with the presentation as a whole rather than diving into each individual card itself.
The initial story that begins to form is one of day to day feelings and emotions in the past while the present and future highlight larger narratives and stories at play.
Relating that to where I was in the moment it felt pretty spot on. Giving myself more encouragement to dive deeper into the reading.
The past
The past card was the IX of cups. In this deck the cups relates to emotional energies and the feelings we a humans get to have and wield on our journeys in life. In particular the IX card is about almost reaching completion and balance with one’s self.
As the minor arcana goes from I -> X this card is just near the end of that journey. The point where you’re feeling abundance and are able to bask in the rewards of the work you put in.
With my mind on the election, this card was almost directly calling out for me to feel that comfort again that the autocratic wanna be tyrant in America WAS voted out of office and now we’re dealing with the smaller pieces. Remember the hard work has paid off and there is a win in the past.
The present
When I do these readings I like to let the writing of the present card speak for itself. Typically in this deck the specific words present tend to ring hard and relate to what is being experienced in the here and now.
The Wheel of Fortune
Whether day or night, the wheel of fortune is always in motion. Some call it fate; others, destiny. It’s possible to go for months or years without feeling its presence … but when this card appears, the eye of the wheel is fixed upon you. Don’t be surprised if there’s a change of course heading your way, something you’d least expect. Whatever happens to you during this time, know that it is bringing you closer to your life’s purpose.
OK, message received.
The future
The future again comes from the major arcana, indicating a focus on a more impactful portion of my own human experience. This card, the magician, immediately follows the fool in the deck. It’s about beginning a new journey that carries along your previously learned skills and resources.
This deck in particular makes a point in this card to show aspects of each of the minor arcana (wands, swords, cups, and pentacles) being carried and wielded with confidence.
Self-Portraits
With that guidance, I took the visuals from the deck into the studio. The spread itself showed a variation of colors starting with cool tones, blossoming into a hodgepodge rainbow variation, and closing with warm colors reminiscent of the lower chakras.
Using that imagery I set up the lights in an attempt to pull that color palate into the session.
The release
I felt it was appropriate to play some Run The Jewels while I was shooting photos. Felt like the right anti-establishment vibe and invited opportunities for the words of EL-P and Killer Mike to resonate with the specifics of how I was feeling.
What I could feel during the shoot was that want to do something. The desire to actionably take more control of the situation.
What I found, was that I inadvertently was doing that. Just not on the grand scale of changing votes in Georgia, not even the President can do that no matter how hard he might try, and finding comfort in my control to change and adjust my own bubble.
Here I ended up setting up a space for myself to let go of the larger national political climate and just see how the tarot reading related to me and my direct experience.
The Satori in the Journey
Now the reading I did earlier started to make more sense directly to me. Coaxing me to appreciate my own journey to play with and tap into the abundance of my emotional well being.
I could see and directly experience the Wheel of Fortune not just taking place in the world around me, but also actively moving and churning within me. In one moment I could be frustrated with the world, and in the next moment I could find peace and tranquility of my dog, aptly named Georgia, wagging her tail while she watched me be a goofy emotional mess in front of the camera.
In the future the cards encouraged me to remember the tools and capabilities at my disposal to take on my own personal journey.
And with that, I found a bit of calm clarity in letting go of the larger picture and felt comfort in taking my own small steps to influence my own life. The Wheel of Fortune is constantly spinning and carrying on in the world outside. We’d be foolish to try to adjust its course directly.
Instead this journey today was a reminder that sometimes a constant and direct impact in our day to day life IS what can make that change. Not only on ourselves but also on those around us.
Where else have you set out on a creative journey navigated by external guidance?
What are some of the tangible feelings of moments in your own life where you could see and appreciate the constant churning and changing of the world both in a macro and micro context?